What is Sex Therapy?

Physical intimacy is a huge part of any couple’s relationship. When couples are in sync and feeling connected, sex and physical intimacy can feel connecting and fun. When out of sync, sex can become one of the main issues couples seek therapy for.

Our sexual relationships can become out of balance for many reasons. Life transitions, age, trauma, and busy schedules are a few reasons that things may become out of whack.

Let’s look at Becky and Bill. They have three kids, two in school, and a baby. Bill works full time and travels. Becky is their home’s CEO, in charge or appointments, after school activities, food…and so on. After a full day or being nit picked at work Bill wants to come home and feel calm and relaxed. After a full day of driving everyone around, making meals the kids don’t eat, and carrying a fussy baby around, Becky wants help and to be seen.

The kids finally go to bed. Becky wants Bill to just sit close and watch a show, she’s feeling icky and over touched. Bill is hoping that now they can finally get some more alone time in bed because he’s craving closeness, and it’s been a few weeks since they last had sex.

Bill initiates… Becky sighs…Bill feels rejected and unappreciated…Becky feels misunderstood and overwhelmed. They don’t say any of this out loud and just end up going to bed feeling disconnected, sad and angry.

This plays out in many different ways for couples. The more they miss each other, the more difficult it becomes to get back to responding in the ways each person needs.

Individual or couples therapy can be very helpful:

To get your sex life back to a new normal.

To baby step back to finding passion and fun.

To heal from trauma.

To gain a sexual version of yourself you may have never had.

5 Reasons to Come to Couples Counseling

You have the same fights over and over
My clients often tell me that they are coming to couples therapy because they are at their wits end with having the same fights over and over. They report that these fights are usually over the same handful of topics and/or that all their arguments end in the same way. One partner feels as though it is time to “cool off and try again later” and one partner wants to “stay and solve the issue rather then having to rehash it again at a later time.” My clients find that after just a few sessions, they begin to have the skills they need to solve the issue and to stop this pattern.

You don’t feel understood or supported by you partner
Couples who are ready for couples counseling may know the feeling of being misunderstood or not supported by your partner. Do you feel as though you try to communicate how you are feeling and it seems to be misinterpreted over and over again? Do you go home and tell your person how you day was and get minimal responses or no acknowledgment? My clients learn that something is happening for each person during these interactions that is causing underlying hurt and disconnection.

It seems like your partner doesn’t see the good you do
Do you feel like you are burning the candle by both ends and making an effort to take care of everyone in your home, and yet it seems to go unnoticed or unappreciated? Have you tried to communicate this, and yet it hasn’t gotten any better? These feelings, mixed with the inability to get your partner to really understand the problem creates a snowball of issues in a marriage.

You or your partner feel angry or frustrated most of the time
My clients tell me that they start out trying to express how they feel to their partners, and it doesn’t seem to be understood or matter to their partners. This gap leads them to be frustrated, irritated, or angry a lot of the time. Couples tell me they start to have issues talking about anything because of this underlying tension. It feels as though they are “walking on egg shells.”

Trust is fading
Do you wonder things like, “If my partner isn’t talking to me, who are they talking to?” “I wonder who they are texting right now?” “We haven’t had fun or sex in far too long, I wonder if they are with someone else?” “Why can my partner be so friendly and chatty with other people and in the same moment, short and irritated with me?” Any of these questions start to erode a relationship and the foundation begins to fade.

If this seems to resonate with you or your partner at all, I would love to chat with you over the phone to see if there is a way to help you and your person get your relationship back on track. Communication problems are the number one issue that brings most of my clients to couples therapy.